I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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