Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
