Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
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i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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