well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
