So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The power of my boobs compel you
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
