i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
