I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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