sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
