Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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