I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In other news, I just burned my penis
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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