Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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