Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
