so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
