He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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