Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
