You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
