I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
NoShamevember. You game?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
