Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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