the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
