it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
