My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
