You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
