Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.