You work out of a Hotel?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
