Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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