so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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