How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
