I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
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Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
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Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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