I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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