I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
