I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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