I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
