I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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