I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Less talking, more tequila
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
