i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
