3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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