he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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