I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
