Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's a Shit stain on my heart
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
