I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
