$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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