The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i already hear my dad disowning me
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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