Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
