Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
