Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
