my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
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hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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