Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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