The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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