oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
