If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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