when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I understand Curling. That high.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
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I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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