He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
