Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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