I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I supernannyed him into submission
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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